tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-319877902024-03-07T19:45:00.571-05:00Teapot Dome ScandalSports satire sharper than Alvin! Alvin Sharper, not the chipmunk Alvin. But sharper than him too.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.comBlogger139125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-6548527976368150522007-08-22T12:36:00.001-04:002009-01-08T02:43:12.710-05:00In Case You Haven't Noticed...Teapot Dome Scandal isn't being updated anymore. For those looking to hear my off-the-charts, zany spin on the zany world of sports, go to http://www.bestweekever.tv/category/sports/For those of you who don't care what the topic is, as long as it's written by Dan "Zany" Hopper, you can just go to Bestweekever.tv and read the English words there.In the meantime, I've Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11252884781640654579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-75123975882469808372007-08-20T03:30:00.000-04:002009-01-08T02:48:28.603-05:00Steelers down to final three candidates in search of coach for Pittsburgh dads to complain aboutLooking to uphold Bill Cowher's legacy as the most complained-about-by-dads coach in Pittsburgh history, the Rooney family has presented the following questionnaire to the Steelers' final three coaching choices - Russ Grimm, Mike Tomlin, and Ron Rivera - in the hopes of determining the one with the Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-1165864593437185282007-08-20T03:00:00.000-04:002009-01-08T02:47:34.667-05:00We don't want Allen Iverson's talent ruining our selflessness and hustle!An interesting poll on Pittsburgh's Post-Gazette.com confirmed that 64% of Pittsburghers, if they were hypothetical basketball GMs, would not want Allen Iverson on their hypothetical basketball team, the Pittsburgh Hustlin' Whiteys. This begs the question, for what reason would a team not want a four-time scoring champ and Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-4611689700737790652007-08-20T02:00:00.000-04:002009-01-08T02:44:19.730-05:00EA Sports NHL '97 breaks down the NHL trade deadlineSo you haven't kept up with the NHL since the days when you unironically had a Genesis strapped to your main household tv? Big deal. GMs practically treat the NHL trade deadline like a video game anyway, plus with the amount of old fogeys getting dealt around yesterday, it might as well have been 1997. Let's take a look at yesterday's trades as Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-49178050861534529252007-08-20T01:30:00.001-04:002009-01-08T02:45:18.265-05:00Provisions in the Penguins' arena dealNeedless to say, I was happy as could be when the Penguins announced their arena deal, ensuring once and for all that they'll be staying in Pittsburgh permanently! ...Unlike myself, my brother, 2/3 of my high school classmates, Andy Warhol, and anyone aged 24-38 who would like a job and also like to be paid for that job!The Penguins and local officials may Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-1161881681766353312007-08-20T00:15:00.000-04:002009-01-08T02:50:57.533-05:00Provisions in the new MLB Collective Bargaining AgreementMLB and the MLB Players' Association agreed yesterday on an extention of the CBA through 2011. Here are some of the new provisions contained within:The Sexson / Glaus Clause: Any player who misses more than 120 games in the final year of his contract will be rewarded with a contract worth no less than 8 figures annually (although more than Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-78465379005991210802007-08-20T00:00:00.000-04:002009-01-08T02:46:37.754-05:00People of New Orleans awaiting next football season so they can resume being inspiredThe Saints' brutal 39-14 defeat at the hands of the Bears Sunday left the players scratching their heads - and the people of New Orleans without a source of inspiration.With no more Saints games until the preseason resumes in August, New Orleans citizens will now have to face several months without anyone to Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11252884781640654579noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-11608581295522626982007-05-09T13:10:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:15.064-05:00Ex-Steeler Tommy Maddox Shoots 75All I'm saying is, the headline caught me a little off guard. It actually seems more likely that Tommy Maddox would shoot 75 people than him actually being good at a sport, let alone a sport in which he was not a first-round draft pick. Or maybe I'm an idiot. But it's probably the first thing.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-52935097451915121082007-05-08T00:38:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:15.272-05:00Update Update: MLB Draft Being Televised Is Still Not News, Even Nine Hours LaterESPN.com still has this poll up about the MLB Draft nine hours later, obviously to continue to promote the fact that it's being televised on ESPN2 this year, regardless of the fact that 125,000+ people have declared they are not going to be watching it.Maybe if they keep the poll up for another full day, the story Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-74788930163061834962007-05-07T18:08:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:15.391-05:00Update: MLB Draft Being Televised Is Not, In Fact, NewsDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-22894794060379825602007-05-07T15:04:00.000-04:002007-05-07T18:15:43.264-04:00Important Sports News!Breaking Sports News - According to ESPN, ESPN2 will be televising the MLB Draft this year!I also have some breaking sports news that is news to report on: Teapot Dome Scandal is awesome! You should totally read it! News!Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-77691713100475830352007-05-07T10:48:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:15.704-05:00How bad is an 'average' runner?So I'm watching Friday's Pirates-Brewers game online on Fox Sports Wisconsin, and I come across this gem. Top of the second, no outs, Adam LaRoche on first, Xavier Nady strikes out on a hit-and-run attempt and Johnny Estrada easily throws out LaRoche on his way to second. The Brewers announcers take turns complimenting Estrada's defense, and the color commentator (Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-76889965681093675632007-05-01T11:46:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:15.747-05:00Just when you thought ESPN's NHL coverage couldn't get more embarrassing...The worldwide leader fucking misspelled "Ottawa." I understand that this is a typo, but five hundred people have already seen this poll, and more than that, how many times have you ever seen a typo in a Sportsnation poll, particularly on a team's name? I can think of precisely zero offhand, although I'm sure the Edminton Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-42457385035252577352007-04-25T12:15:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:15.951-05:00Dan vs. Bucci: Playoff EditionAs often as I poke fun at John Buccigross in this space, I will admit that his predictions have certainly been a fuck of a lot better than mine so far this NHL season. Looking back to my NHL Regular Season predictions, I find that I got five playoff teams correct in the East, misstepping on the Flyers, Maple Leafs, and Hurricanes, and placing my Penguins second to Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-24941917906212179372007-04-23T12:11:00.000-04:002007-04-23T12:35:38.463-04:00Headlines: Monday, April 23Crosby reveals he played Ottawa series on a broken foot; entire Penguins defense quickly adds that all of their feet were broken tooMavs starters take night off vs. Warriors, rest up for Spurs seriesIverson, Anthony selfishly score 61 points; Nuggets selfishly upset SpursDolphins still trying to acquire Trent Green for their fantasy teamGagne injures elbow while Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-81707830772127780162007-04-16T12:18:00.000-04:002007-04-16T12:22:57.891-04:00Sorry for the spotty posting the last week or so, I've been splitting my powerful online charisma between here and Band Madness, which is getting closer to the finals.I have not yet been able to sort out my feelings on the Penguins / Senators series, let alone write them down, so for now, just read this Gene Collier column that sums it up pretty well.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-19155474240866232372007-04-12T14:47:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:16.086-05:00ESPN covers the NHL playoffsWhat an amazing first night of the NHL playoffs! Dallas and Vancouver play four overtimes, Nashville scores two goals in the third to take San Jose to overtime, the Ducks score with five minutes left to beat Minnesota, and Sidney Crosby makes his playoff debut, although it's viciously spoiled by the fired-up Ottawa Senators! I can't wait to see what ESPN has say about Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-37460438392010076952007-04-11T09:48:00.000-04:002007-04-11T10:54:49.719-04:00NHL Playoff PredictionsReelin' In the East:1) Buffalo vs. 8) New York IslandersDepth: BuffaloGoaltending: BuffaloHilarity provided to me by owner, GM: IslandersVerdict: Buffalo is too deep, the Isles get bounced out in five, although the North American press raves over Ryan Smyth's two rebound goals in New York's 8-3 loss in Game 4.2) New Jersey vs. 7) Tampa BayOffense: PushDefense and Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-59642780104397144252007-04-10T18:04:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:16.292-05:00A-Rod Bias AlertOn Saturday night, Alex Rodriguez hit a walk-off grand slam against the Orioles - his second homer of the game - to lift the Yankees to a dramatic, 10-7 comeback victory and avoid a three-game losing streak. Rather than just go ahead and compliment the guy, though, espn.com made sure to reach back two days to diminish the accomplishment. Check out this graphic: Remember When:What Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-12567206293431517062007-04-09T13:01:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:16.513-05:00LaRoche unable to handle pressure of playing in PittsburghIt was a disastrous debut week for Pirates first baseman Adam LaRoche, whose 3-for-25 performance in his first six games already has fans wondering if the former Atlanta Brave can handle the pressure of playing in Pittsburgh."Some guys start to feel it a bit when they put on that storied Pirates uniform," said teammate Jack Wilson, a Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-29945827991813097982007-04-04T13:11:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:17.853-05:00The Single Greatest Column In the History of Sports JournalismThis article, by Seattle Mariners columnist Art Thiel, may be the greatest column ever written, and I don't feel bad typing this, because if a more ridiculous column does exist out there, my mind would instantly explode, thus giving me no time to regret the title of this blog post.Thiel combines all the wonderfully irrational Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-60083563656995807762007-04-02T12:49:00.000-04:002007-04-03T11:56:56.752-04:00Dan's Infallible 2007 Baseball PreviewAL East1. Red Sox - Schilling/Matsuzaka/Beckett/Wakefield may not be 100% reliable, but they're better than Injured Wang/Injured Pettite/Probably Injured By the Time You're Reading This Pavano/Youngie McWhothefuck.2. Yankees (Wildcard) - Return of "True Yank" Pettitte should make up for the loss of Bernie Williams; offense will top 800 runs, but without Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-20188903566455563782007-03-30T00:05:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:18.118-05:00Angels address offensive shortcomings, tell Guererro to swing harderSpring Training 2007 Preview: Los Angeles AngelsThe Angels failed to add a power bat this offseason to bolster their relatively mediocre offense, but Manager Mike Scioscia believes he has come up with the solution to the problem."We're going to tell Vladimir Guererro to swing a whole lot harder," Scioscia said.Scioscia did not Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11252884781640654579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-15816027906502255272007-03-28T00:42:00.000-04:002007-03-28T01:15:47.557-04:00Bloggers are nerds and the internet is stupid, Part Ten TrillionIs there anything more painful than old people making fun of phenomenons they don't even try to understand? Check out this exceptionally bizarre and disturbing piece uncovered by my personal favorite sports site, Firejoemorgan.com, who rip into Dan Shaughnessy for this baffling article about Curt Schilling's new blog and the people Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31987790.post-91455864069751998752007-03-26T00:49:00.000-04:002008-12-10T19:06:18.334-05:00NCAA vows to intentionally botch seeding in '08 to create upsetsThe NCAA selection committee has issued a formal apology to college basketball fans for seeding teams too accurately this year, which has resulted in a disastrous Final Four consisting solely of incredibly talented, exciting, well-coached basketball teams. To prevent similar debacles from occurring in future tournaments, the NCAA hasDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17122886022712000688noreply@blogger.com3