Troubled New Orleans takes Saints back
City claims, "I swear they're different this time"

The city of New Orleans, still reeling in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, has decided to allow back into their life the Saints, the professional football team with whom the city has had an on-again off-again relationship for the past four decades.

"It's just really, really comforting to have the Saints back," a wet-eyed New Orleans said. "It was really hard going through last year by myself, a lot of people don't understand, but the Saints and I have this really deep connection, I really want to be with this team, and things are going really good."

The city's friends, however, cannot believe that New Orleans is so willing to forget how badly they have been mistreated by the Saints in the past.

"Oh yeah, it's ridiculous," said longtime friend Baton Rouge, an LSU football stronghold. "That asshole team's won one playoff game in their history, and here's New Orleans crying, all happy to have their precious Saints back. Wow, they're 4-1, I'm sure everything's gonna be perfect now. Some cities, just...you know? Have some self-confidence."

Indeed, the Saints have had just two winning seasons in the last thirteen years, but the relationship has turned particularly abusive at times, most notably in 1999 when the Saints traded seven draft picks to move up two spots to select Ricky Williams, a player they then traded three years later. Friends of New Orleans also grew concerned when the Saints threw a full beer can at the city during an argument in 2003.

None of this has wavered the city's faith in the team.

"Saintsie is so much nicer now," the city said. "I know things haven't been perfect, but I really think the team has changed. There's a new coach, Reggie Bush is here, the team helps out around the house more, it's always asking if I need any help with anything... I just, I couldn't be happier right now."