Flyers finally get around to firing Clarke, going to Home Depot

The Philadelphia Flyers finally had a productive weekend this past week, managing to accomplish not only a long-overdue forced-resignation of GM Bobby Clarke, but also finally making the trip to Home Depot that they had been inexplicably putting off for months.

"It's really nice to finally knock out some of these errands," said Flyers ownder Ed Snider. "The light fixture in my den has been cracked for like two months, and Bobby Clarke has been a proprietor of an endless, magician's handkerchief of playoff chokes. I was going to get up early and try to get it all done a couple weeks ago, but I guess I got busy? That's not really an excuse, I'm probably just lazy."

Asked if the Flyers' 1-6-1 start prompted Clarke's firing, Snider replied "Eh, kind of. I considered firing him after he signed Derian Hatcher to a 4-year deal after they made rule changes to emphasize speed and crack down on obstruction, but I just stayed in and watched a movie that weekend, I was really tired. This year, that light thingie broke, and I needed some tape and stuff from Home Depot, and I just sort of got tired of lying around."

He added, laughing, "Now, if I can only make it out to the gym!"