Thursday, March 01, 2007

Headlines: Thursday, March 1

Angels kind of hoping Matthews is still taking steroids

With news breaking that Gary Matthews Jr. may have taken steroids before his all-star 2006 season, the Los Angeles Angels, who signed Matthews to a 5 year, $50 million contract this fall, are all sort of secretly hoping that he hasn't quit the juice.

"Um, yeah, steroids are really bad," admitted Angels GM Bill Stoneman. "I guess he should stop taking them? I don't know, I really hope he doesn't go back to playing like a disposable journeyman, especially after all that money we're giving him. Hmm..."

Sabres looking for Zubrus to bolster eighth line

The Buffalo Sabres are excited about their acquisition of veteran winger Dainius Zubrus, who coach Lindy Ruff described as "A solid two-way player who should really fit in well on our eighth line."

Sabres GM Darcy Regier explained, "We already have about fifteen forwards who can score, but depth is a really important part of this league. We'll dress four lines, our fifth and sixth lines will stay in the locker room, the seventh will hang out in the parking lot, and Dainus will watch the games from his hotel room next to a telephone."

He added, "We have a window of opportinuty right now, and we don't want something like a flu outbreak or a team plane crash to derail our momentum."

Ravens swear they're done sleeping with Jamal Lewis

The Baltimore Ravens again parted ways with runningback Jamal Lewis yesterday, though numerous reports are suggesting that Baltimore may relapse and invite Lewis over before training camp starts.

"No, I'm serious this time, we're finished," coach Brian Billick kept saying repeatedly. "No, I'm not drunk. Shut up, I'm not. I'm really really serious. I'm through with Jamal, I don't care what happens to him."

Defensive Coordinator Rex Ryan said that he "Isn't buying it" about Lewis and added, "When I tried to delete Jamal's number from Brian's phone, he yanked it away and started screaming at me. Does that mean we'll see Lewis in a Ravens uniform again? I don't know, you tell me."

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