Friday, March 02, 2007

Drew adjusting to being douchebag in entirely new league

Spring Training '07 Preview: Boston Red Sox

A new team. A new city. A new league. A new, non-douchey J.D. Drew?


The Red Sox aren't surprised that J.D. Drew has adjusted to being an enormously unlikeable douchebag in the American League - after all, they wouldn't have gambled on a 5 year, $50 million contract if they were worried Drew couldn't adjust - but they've been pleasantly surprised with just how quickly he's adjusted to American League douchebaggery.

Red Sox hitting coach Dave Magadan raves, "J.D. is just one of those guys who can roll out of bed, walk into the batter's box, and be a giant douche. Kind of reminds me of George Brett, you know?"

Drew has already impressed some of his teammates with his complete lack of regret for holding out, his humorously low games played totals, and his generally unwarm demeanor, but Drew says he won't be content until he establishes himself as an elite American League Douchebag.

"Douches in the American League are on a whole 'nother level," Drew said. " You got Manny, A-Rod, Billy Beane, Curt Schilling, Carl Everett is probably on some team - you're sort of starstruck at first, but it's just up to me to prove I belong."

When asked about the biggest adjustment he would have to make, Drew responded, "I think having the Designated Hitter changes some things. Now if I have an ankle injury or something, I could probably still get in the lineup as a DH, so I'll have to make sure to get a lot more injured. I'm excited - I want to be remembered as one of the most notorious douchebags ever to wear a Red Sox uniform."

He added, "At least for like two years, then maybe I'll hold out and go to, I don't know, the Angels or something?"

1 comment:

shockcorridor said...

The Red Sox deserve this cock-knocker. Another jackass player, for the biggest jackass team in the biggest jackass city in America. Fuck the Red Sox.