Sports Headlines for Wednesday, August 9
Maurice Clarett Arrested; Vodka, Loaded Handguns, Hatchet Found in Car - Incident prompts FOX Sports show "The Hot List" to frantically revise their "10 Most Ridiculous Runningback Car Searches" List, removing Bam Morris from the top spot
Tedy Bruschi Out 4 Weeks With Broken Wrist - Claims "It's like my wrist had a stroke" in pathetic effort to garner votes for a second Comeback Player of the Year Award.
Reds acquire Todd Hollandsworth from the Indians - In their haste to add as many middle-relievers as possible, the Reds accidentally traded for Hollandsworth, but figure he can't be less useful than Kent Mercker
St. Louis Blues sign free-agent Goaltender Manny Legace - Tired of rotating a bunch of inconsistent young goalies, the Blues decide to sink their money into one inconsistent not-young goalie
Boston Bruins President Harry Sinden Steps Down After 17 Years - His departing words, "Sinden the clowns," results in multiple actual circus clowns being named his immediate successor; Bruins immediately become Vegas odds-on Cup favorites