ED HOCHULI BRANCHES OUT
The world's favorite NFL referee and American badass Ed Hochuli has confirmed what many of us have speculated for years.
In a press release, Hochuli stated:
"I'd like to put an end to all the rumors and speculations. With the support of my loving family, I've come to terms with the truth. I am, and always have been, first and foremost, an Ent. Yes, one of those tree dudes from Lord of the Rings."
Possessing an unnaturally large physique for a referee, Hochuli was the subject of a great deal of steroid allegations. The rumors turned ugly when Hochuli accidentally decapitated Line Judge Bill Crawford while he was signalling a first down. Overcome with grief, Hochuli decided he needed to be honest:
"My body is made of petrified red wood. That's why I have these enormous, somewhat comical biceps."
Hochuli was All Middle Earth at Fangorn Forest U, where he played Outside Leafbacker