Monday, October 16, 2006

A's fire asshole manager Macha

The Oakland Athetics today fired Ken Macha, the embarrassing excuse for a human being who has served as the team's manager since 2002. The A's players have reacted in an overjoyed fashion, and their sentiments towards Macha have been universally scathing.

"There are great baseball people, and then there are just great people," said third baseman Eric Chavez. "Ken is neither. He's pretty much a complete dick every time he opens his mouth or does anything. My only regret about his firing is that I never had a chance to beat the shit out of him in front of his asshole children."

On Macha's reprehensible managerial style, pitcher Rich Harden explained, "Every time I'd throw a pitch, I'd hear him yell from the dugout, 'your wife tells me you're not so 'Hard'en!' I once told him it wasn't helpful to yell that eighty times a game, and he said 'sorry, do you need to go back on the DL with sand in your vagina?' I mean, who says that?"

Veteran Frank Thomas added, "I'd hit a home run and he'd be like, 'wow, I'd almost think it was 1994 if you weren't so f-ing fat!' Usually he'd toss the N-word in there too, at the beginning and the end of every sentence he ever said to me. Or to any other player, regardless of their race."

When asked for comment, Macha faxed in a picture of a giant middle finger.

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