Beane hires Geren as new A's manager



At a press conference today, Oakland A's GM Billy Beane officially named Bob Geren the team's new manager. Beane then stepped aside, and Geren emerged from underneath the podium to address the media.

"Oog oog, me feel extremely honored and priviledged to be named manager of the A's," said Geren, Oakland's former bench coach under Ken Macha. "Me look forward to working with good group of vibrant eccentrics our terrific General Manager has assembled, and teaching players how to take a lot of pitches, and the value of high on-base percentages and good Sabermetric numbers, and most of all, to never bunt, oog oog oog!"

Macha's departure left a broken relationship between the A's dugout and their front office, but Geren isn't fazed.

"Oog oog, me know team not like Ken Macha, but I promise that I will work with the front office, not against them, and I make sure to start Bobby Kielty against left-handed pitchers in the playoffs instead of Mark Kotsay so team not lose. Me also love Marco Scutaro and Mark Ellis and understand that they are as valuable as bananas, which I also love, oog oog oog ahh ahh ahh!"