Buy your tickets for Miami, the Eagles have punched their tickets to Super Bowl XLI. The Eagles sent a very clear message to the rest of the NFC: Their time is now. The 2006 don't need no fancy free agents. Please don't suggest that Stallworth counts. Donte Stallworth has about much chance of working on Sunday as your 14 year old version of Mario 3, and a much higher chance of getting injured trying to get your Nintendo to function. I have two words that will put fear in the heart of any opponent: Trent Cole.
Thats right, the Eagles made a huge signing today by extending second year defensive end Trent Cole's contract through 2013. Cole started off like gangbusters this year recording five sacks in the first few games. Cole has cooled off considerably since those Glory Days when they were playing the 49ers and the Packers. The Eagles also opted to completely disregard the fact that he kicked Kareem McKenzie in the nuts and took a costly penalty that contributed to the Eagles' notorious fourth quarter meltdown against the Giants earlier this season. The Eagles anticipated an insane bidding war, we're talking IPO of Google here. Rumor has it that the Patriots were thinking of packaging Belichick's brain, Brady's heart, Bruschi's moxie and every first round pick until the Knicks make the playoffs for Cole. They simply couldn't wait.
The Cole extension comes on the heels of their decision to extend defensive tackle Mike Patterson through 2016, when we will drive flying cars and Sylvester Stallone's character in Demolition Man will be unfrozen.
This may strike some outside observers as confusing when you consider the fact that the Eagles' overall play and complete lack of discipline has been a complete cum blizzard (got tired of using shit show) over the past few weeks. Inopportune penalties, blown assignments, and just an all around high level of sucking are a few things they've been guilty of over the last 4 games, but Joe Banner and Andy Reid and the rest of the Eagles front office have found the formula to right a sinking ship: Reward ineptitude!
When a team is falling apart, arbitrarily begin to award incredibly long contract extensions to young players. The veterans, who already appear dysfunctional and defeated, will be inspired!
The Eagles have announced their intention to lock up converted outside linebacker Chris Gocong through when the Earth turns into Water World. Gocong has yet to see a snap in the regular season but this did not deter the Eagles. They also agreed in principle to sign Samuel Dalembert and double what the Sixers are currently paying because he's "young, long, and has a huge upside."
The remaining cap room will pay for Andy Reid's horrible beef straganoff addiction. For serious, dude eats it like it's baby carrots.