Pens' Malkin becomes first to score in first 6 NHL games since 1918 - Malkin can now be mentioned in the same breath as "Unforgettable" Joe Malone, "Hilarious Olde Timey Guy" Newsy Lalonde, and "Unforgettable Hilarious Olde Timey Guy" Cy Denneny.
Mets reliever Guillermo Mota suspended 50 games for steroid use - Suspicions confirmed after Mota's 4.53 ERA, 48 homer, 135 RBI season.
Michigan State to fire football coach John L. Smith - Said athletic director Ron Mason, "We want a new direction for the program. And to stop really, really, really sucking every year."
Lakers win without Kobe, improve to 2-0 - Coach Phil Jackson explains, "I guess Chris Mihm scored some points or something."
China to possibly host MLB games in '07 - Said Commissioner Bud Selig, "We figure, finding an audience won't be difficult, since every building in that country has at least 70,000 people in it at any given time already."