Headlines: Thursday, Feb 22

Pain Wayde - Dwayne Wade dislocated his shoulder in the Heat's 112-102 loss to Houston last night. Houston coach Jeff Van Gundy commented, "With Wade and Steve Nash down, we're just one Tim Duncan injury, one Dirk Nowitzki injury, and one Pistons team planecrash away from having a shot this year!"

Man oh Manny - After requesting time off from Red Sox spring training to attend to his mother after surgery, Manny Ramirez is now scheduled to appear at a New Jersey car auction to promote the selling of one of his cars. Apparently, he demanded that the car be sold last year, but took it off the market in the middle of the auction.

Peyton paid ton less - Peyton Manning restructured his deal with the Colts to save the Colts more than $3 million in salary cap room this upcoming season; the Colts, confused by the move, just handed the leftover money to Marvin Harrison.

More like Women-bleton - Wimbledon announced yesterday that equal prize money will be awarded for men's and women's tournament winners this year. Tim Phillips, chairman of the All-England club, stated, "This is just another positive after-effect of the incredibly, incredibly gradual shockwave from the 1973 Battle of the Sexes."

Good moon on the rise - In the bizarre story of the week, a USC goaltender, upset with officials, pulled down his pants and rode around on his sitck slapping his butt. A crowd member who managed to film the event remarked, "Awesome, now I just need Johnny Knoxville to do some close-ups and cut in some footage of Rip Torn, and I'm pretty much done with 'Happy Gilmore 2'!"